London Viola Player, Violinist & Arranger For Hire

Tools for (or against) the job

Not that much of what we consider normal (as opposed to, say, crazy historically-informed eccentric) classical performance practice is that old. In fact, a lot of default, even if now slowly being eroded, techniques and habits didn’t crystallise until something like 1880-1920, later than the vast majority of the core repertoire.

The shoulder-rest or shoulder-stand on violins and violas is certainly a comparative latecomer (alongside the metal-framed piano, valved brass, pedal timpani, conductors always using scores and concerto soloists never doing so … there are several separate posts to be written on this). Before the earlyish nineteenth century, these instruments were played ‘bare’, and as a result could not be at all firmly gripped between chin and shoulder. The chinrest (a sort of shallow wooden cup usually braced permanently to the body) and shoulder rest (now normally a highly asymmetrical curving construction of metal and foam, gripping onto the underside of the instrument with rubber ‘feet’) are successive additions over the following century or so. The chinrest is more or less ubiquitous – I don’t think I’ve even seen early music specialists playing without it unless (possibly) using reconstructed period instruments. It is normally fitted as standard on instruments and only taken off if it needs adjusting or replacing.

Arguably, the shoulder stand makes a bigger difference to technique. That extra inch or so of depth and increase in grip and moulding to the body’s shape makes it possible to take almost all the weight of the instrument off the left (string fingering) hand, at least for moments, which goes with the Romantic and after playing technique (especially in solo violin parts) of moving up and down a single string, maintaining tone colour through a melody and conveniently slipping in ‘expressive’ (and now fairly desperately unfashionable) glides between notes.

Folk fiddlers in Britain have traditionally not bothered with it – British Isles fiddle tunes are normally played in first position, crossing between strings where necessary and not going into higher pitches than can be achieved with the hand at the far end of the neck. (An aside: it is fairly evident if you think about it that moving your hand further ‘up’ the strings is feasible, though probably more difficult to do precisely, without the chin-shoulder grip, as the instrument just butts against your neck. the real problem is moving downwards quickly, when you are liable to pull the violin / viola out of its place altogether. There are Baroque passages which rely on the possibility of moving gradually upwards through positions, often repeating motifs at higher and higher pitches … and then give the player a bar or two’s rest to relocate the hand for the next entry!) The tendency is in any case to not grip the instrument hard, possibly to facilitate singing, or calling a barn dance, while playing. However, my observation is more and more folk fiddle players are using shoulder rests, probably just because that’s ‘how it’s done’.

However, as I find myself doing more and more folk among my paid work (most parties do love a good jig or reel set!), I’ve been trying to push into it a bit more and see if I can do it better, or more authentically, or both. And so a couple of weeks back I simply picked up the violin without shoulder rest to play some dance tunes.

It’s a bit of a culture shock of course, and feels awkward – the tendency is to try and grip the instrument anyway, but as I’m really quite thin that means a lot of hard wooden angles digging into shoulder bones! However, for those purposes it didn’t really change anything to my ability to get round the notes as it’s all in the bow arm and the fingers really.

The surprise was that it made any serious difference to the tone. If you’ve come up from the ‘classical’ tradition like me, you’ve probably never set out to compare the sound with or without shoulder rest. But actually you have this quite big and heavy piece of metal and rubber, designed to not resonate or you’d get all sorts of buzzes and echoes that would be really annoying, clamped onto the body of an acoustic instrument. Surprise surprise, it does have a noticeable muting effect. Playing without it isn’t necessarily better for everything sound-wise – even on tone alone, it’s probably not an ideal step for big warm Romantic orchestral textures, or pop-folk ballad string arrangements. But for folk and also for Baroque to (sensu strictu) Classical music, the sound without stand appears to have more sinew, a little more brightness and clarity, definition I suppose (I wish I could intuit enough about frequency ranges to describe this more objectively. Sadly an area I haven’t been taught, useful though it would be for any often amplified or recorded musician to talk to sound engineers).

Of course, my response was to try this on some pre-shoulder-rest classical music – a Mozart movement and a Handel transcription I’m polishing up for the Finezza Quartet demo recordings.

Sadly, this demonstrated the more sophisticated objection. While the obvious loss of no shoulder-rest is quick or frequent position changes, it’s not the only issue. Control over the instrument’s position is substantially reduced, which to my surprise made positioning of the bow to sound clearly without catching an adjacent string (admittedly the geometry of this is objectively terrifying) noticeably less accurate. Even small and upward position changes don’t work quite the same way – you have to slightly ‘drag’ them, with the result that, at least to start with, the hand shifts tend not to go quite far enough and tuning is impaired.

It’s an idea I would theoretically like to come back to. I remain intrigued by the improvement in sound created (apparently – it is hard to judge tone of an instrument under your jawbone!) by playing without the shoulder rest, and the point that it must be possible to play anything up to and including about Schubert without it fairly entirely successfully because that’s what musicians of the time did is a more or less legitimate one (though there are counter-arguments as always). But it seems like getting precision and polish with that approach requires significant extra time and work – and to be honest, I need all the help I can get with bringing greater accuracy to my playing under the current demands on it, not an extra obstacle.

That was the weekend that was

And quite a weekend it was too.

Friday saw the String Project’s gig at the Cellar with various configurations of Eko Collective from Bristol. It’s always a gamble putting on a gig yourself, and especially so with the expenses (and relatively small local following) of out-of-town guest artists. Really our last gig was probably the first time I felt confident we were ready to headline somewhere with the profile of the Cellar too. And String Project gigs, with an 8-piece band, multiple keyboards, a ton of acoustic instruments, double figures of DI boxes and music far beyond the sophistication of most gigging bands, are always hard work!

However, this time it really paid off. The venue felt pretty full (numbers suggest there were about 90 paying audience), the crowd were certainly in good spirits, Julia, Issi and their a cappella trio with Lauren were all in their various ways sublime, and I think the String Project were (again, after our last gig!) as good as we’ve ever been. We even made a healthy profit. Onwards and upwards!

Now rewind a bit to Wednesday and Thursday. In the course of which I’d seen an ad on Facebook for a dep fiddle player to do a function band gig at short notice on Saturday, had some conversation with the bandleader and been signed up to do the job. That process didn’t finish until lateish Thursday evening, at which point I had set lists for something like 2 x 1-hour sets (a full night’s work by function standards, basically), with a proportion of them marked as essential for me to play on (mostly Irish rock or trad folk tunes), note that I was to try and fill in something on all the rest (! especially as most of them were function cover standards – Mr Brightside is notably lacking an evident violin part), and agreement that I could have a music stand on stage so long as I wasn’t buried in it the whole time.

Friday I was in work and then of course doing the Cellar gig, so the only real time I had to work on this lot was Saturday morning (struggling against sleepiness) before heading off to meet the bandleader, John, and get a lift to the venue somewhere a little the far side of Nottingham.

Unusually for a function band, we did cram in a bit of top-and-tailing songs in an outhouse (it was an ex-country house wedding venue), acoustically (drummer managing some truly virtuosic body percussion for the purpose) before and between sets. Probably a good thing too. As it was, I was feeling my way, improvising and literally working licks out by ear on stage through a lot of the sets. Always interesting when there’s only a single monitor mix that seems to have almost none of yourself in it, you have very little idea what the crowd are getting and you’re acutely aware that you shouldn’t screw up the highest-paid single job of your professional career to date!

Well, the crowd seemed to like it (probably mostly not much to do with me, but you know) and John was at least content with the pop-type material, even if I didn’t blag the traditional tunes quite so successfully.

Sunday was unsurprisingly a wipeout – I just about managed to get out of bed and the house in time to play a couple of songs at church (in the afternoon thankfully! I would never have managed a conventional 10:30 service, having not managed to get home till nearly 5am), and then basically came home and sank back into a cocoon of tired wooziness.

Now it’s Monday morning and I have to go to desk work in a bit over an hour and also try to really get the Finezza Quartet demo recording set under my fingers as we’re rehearsing on Wednesday.

Here’s to the week that will be …

Self-critique

The craft of self-critique is an important one for any musician trying to get to do anything better.

You can’t rely on a teacher / coach / supervisor to do everything; if you’re me and a lot of other people in similar positions, you can’t afford a teacher to do anything. But even if you are having lessons, there’s little point doing any practice in between them if you can’t tell which bits of a piece you play well, which you play badly.

At the more independent level, it’s important to be able to tell whether you’re actually making progress with something. If it’s getting worse, then probably time for some serious analysis of why that is. If you’re hitting a brick wall, then as an amateur there might be room to just decide the piece / movement / passage is too hard; if getting paid or just more committed, then failing to improve calls for a cast round for other ways of attacking the issue (is there a better fingering? should I revise the bowing? does thinking of this song as in G flat rather than F sharp make it possible to create a nice fiddle line? do I need to slow this passage right down and then gradually build it up to speed? etc.).

But then there’s also the question of how good is good enough. All right, I ‘can play it’. But is it at the right speed? Is it in tune? Am I producing enough (or little enough) volume for ensemble balance, venue, audience in the context I expect at the (next) performance? Is the tone good enough, and judged right?

All of which are valid points to listen to yourself for, and good areas to focus on. But, a lot of pro contexts provide seriously limited practice and rehearsal time, meaning that prioritisation is necessary. That bit can be a bit sloppy, it’s in the middle of a full orchestral tutti and really just texture / effect anyway. That’s a solo so I have to get it right; then again no point worrying too much about tone because amplification will distort it anyway. This way you can create enough time to sort out the biggest problems, hopefully managing to deal with all the ones the client / audience would be likely to care about (but see the previous post on being ready!).

But then of course the process of self-critique can become itself enveloping, even if you’ve managed to avoid the punishing perfectionism that will leave you incapable of ever being content with your performance (and that’s a high road to no professional career if ever there was one. How are you going to hunt down work and promote yourself hyperactively if you think every note you play is dire?). If you’re really listening to (perhaps watching as well) pitch, timing, phrasing, volume, tone, accuracy to the sheet music (or the original if you’re in a non-reading covers band), and various aspects of technique that aren’t directly evident in the sound but in which bad habits could hold you back, then you probably have significantly damaged your concentration on actually playing, inevitably worsening anything that’s difficult – and if it’s easy for you, why are you practising it? Unless perhaps to get a finer polish on subtleties, in which case what you’re practising isn’t easy for you and we’re back where we were.

In practice sessions or rehearsals, the impact of overselfanalysing may just be a knock to confidence – though it will slow you down since you’ll underestimate your ability / mastery of specific repertoire and techniques because you’re too busy estimating to do the best you can.

But I’m a great believer that you get better at what you practise, and you tend to perform how you mostly play. So if you spend much much more time practising by yourself, very critically, than performing (and that’s not a dead letter – I probably spend almost as much time, even now, in rehearsals and performances as practising alone), then it’s unlikely you’ll magically switch off all that self-criticism when you get up to actually perform for real.

There is a legitimate space, particularly if and insofar as you repeat repertoire fairly heavily and/or perform repeatedly with the same people, for seeing a performance as always partly a rehearsal for the next one. BUT the space for such analysis and constructive critique is retrospective (probably the one real justification for the otherwise somewhat redundant and effort-wasting practice of rough-recording all or many of your gigs). ANY process of analysing a performance while you’re giving it is simply going to make the performance less focused, and just as importantly less audience-directed and so less engaging.

There’s an underlying assumption in this post that if you’re serious about music, you will be capable of self-critique, of telling yourself in an empty room that something isn’t good enough yet, or is in one respect but not another, or will be soon but isn’t yet – otherwise you never get to the standard of music-making to be able to be really serious about it. But, it needs to be an ability you can switch off. Otherwise you’ll only ever give your best in your soundproofed practice room, if then; if you ever reach a live concert platform it’ll be a disappointment to all concerned.

Second nature

So, last night I played a Filthy Spectacula gig in Liverpool. We were due onstage at 11, the night ran late, when I left I had to get the second night bus under the Mersey (I’m with my parents on the Wirral for a few days. If you don’t know what the Wirral is, guess what, it’s across the Mersey (a big dock-off river … ) from Liverpool) then a taxi a bit of a way. I got to bed at about 2 a.m.

At 9:15 this morning, I pulled myself back out of bed, had some breakfast, put some clothes on and went off to join the slightly expanded family church band, again on violin. Just hymns and worship songs, generally pulling alto lines out of SATB copies for the former and improvising around the chords and in response to the melody on the latter; plus the upper part of a fully-scored double descant to ‘Thine be the Glory’ (that my dad wrote probably at least 15 years ago and is now an Easter fixture at that church).

Now the interesting bit to me is that on 7 hours’ really pretty bad quality sleep, after a very long day (we arrived at the gig for a soundcheck scheduled for 5:30. Which didn’t happen till about 7.) and nil rehearsal, I not only got by but people were very complimentary, including one lady claiming the music ‘really lifts’ when I’m there (bear in mind both my parents and my brother plus a very competent worship guitarist / singer and a brass band-background cornet player do pretty much all the ‘big’ services, so it’s not like I’m adding 50% to the usual musical forces) – and Mum saying she was glad she was on the organ out of sight with the stuff I was adding to ‘The Old Rugged Cross’.

Instrument cases are good conversation starters; depending on context, about as good as beards. I had a lengthy rambling chat waiting for and on the night bus with a guitarist, country fiddle aficionado and jam night organiser, in the course of which he compared guitar (easy, supposedly – at least quite easy to get something like music out of) to violin (much more chance of producing an unpleasant noise for months or even years after taking it up), saying of playing guitar since a child that ‘it’s just like second nature’.

This morning, under the circumstances, seems to demonstrate fairly thoroughly that a moderate level of violin playing (up to and including both easy sight-reading and, interestingly, tonal-triadic improvisation) is ‘second nature’ to me – I certainly wasn’t functioning at any higher level than that at the time! And I think that is to do with a level of constant familiarity with playing that wasn’t around in the decade from me stopping lessons to going part-time pro, that has arrived over the last few months of practising, rehearsing and performing basically constantly and with much more focus and self-critique than immediately before.

But if you think about it, that’s a slightly odd statement. If practice makes perfect, surely I’ve been practising playing with full concentration, under circumstances as good as I could make them, with serious preparation? Not doing more or less whatever I can on the fly while nearly asleep on my feet.

Well, maybe. But then again, it’s not like I’ve become a top-grade concerto soloist overnight. I get hired for jobs three days before the performance. Music often doesn’t reach me before a same-day rehearsal. In band gigs, sound guys show up late, monitors don’t let you hear what’s going on properly (or force you to wear earplugs because they’re overall so loud, and then you can’t hear properly), kit (anywhere from pickup to PA) malfunctions, you sweat like a pig and struggle to grip anything cleanly. And then of course there are the hours on trains and coaches and walking round unfamiliar places with your phone giving you walking satnav.

Actually, all things considered, jobbing professionals usually play under worse circumstances than amateurs. There are many quotes about amateurs and pros, mostly far too nourishing to the professionals’ egos. Here’s my version, much more observation-based: Amateurs perform when they’re ready. Professionals decide they’re ready when they have to perform.

The key soft skill for a professional musician (as such, ignoring the elephant in the room of being a fantastic low-budget marketing executive)? Winging it, for high stakes, successfully.

Foreground noise

I think I may have unusually sensitive hearing, or something. Before you say ‘well I’d hope so too seeing as you’re a musician’, read on.

The other night I got out of bed, went round to my neighbour’s door and asked them (read: their pre/teen children) to be quieter. The noise of feet and (admittedly high-pitched and excited) voices, through a party wall, was keeping me awake.

In my desk job, the room I sit in is directly above the workplace gym. Which has classes between something like 12 and 2. When we moved back in after a refurb, a lot of people said they could hear bits of ‘music’ coming through the floor – but I seemed to be the only one finding the kick drum and fragments of sub bass so distracting that I had to put other music on headphones to be able to work. I think the gym must have turned the volume down a bit eventually as I don’t hear much of it any more.

I also seem to find loud noises more physically painful than most, judging by how much more I wince and put my hands over my ears than the people around me – or maybe, having friends with tinnitus etc. etc., I’m just more scared of my hearing deteriorating. I certainly spend an unusual amount of time with earplugs in, either in loud contexts or because someone else’s conversation (or small child) is coming through to me very clearly in otherwise fairly quiet ones and I find it really rubs me up the wrong way.

I’m sure most of this is just me and being unusually sensitive to sound in a largely visual world (if your eyes were as bad as mine you probably would be too). But I suspect we’ve become a loud society as well. The more or less universal availability of earphones that can go quite loud, and ever-increasing social acceptance of wearing them anywhere you aren’t actually engaged in a conversation, means many people keep up a near-constant barrier of sound around them. If they aren’t on their iPod they may well be on their phone – again, often with earphones and a hands-free mike. Then anyone that actually wants to get their attention has to get over that noise threshold. In an instant-impact, stimulus-overcrowded society, the main way of getting your sound listened to, standing out from the hubbub so people might go and buy something, or do whatever you’re trying to get them to, is to be louder, higher, lower, more penetrating.

Silence is an illusion. This is the story behind John Cage’s infamous and much misunderstood 3′ 44″. He was invited to a totally unresonant and sound-insulated space that had been created by a US university. He spent some time in it and then said ‘Guys, you’ve got it wrong. I can still hear a high-pitched sound and a low-pitched one.’ The researchers explained these weren’t external sounds – the low-pitched sound was the vibration created by his blood circulating, and the high-pitched one effectively static in the electrochemical circuitry of his nervous system. Of course, in the context of traditional classical music which (especially by the 20th century) assumed it would start from, finish at and be surrounded by silence, the discovery that no one has ever experienced actual silence was fascinating, and led to the experiment of creating a piece which was in fact nearly four minutes of whatever background noise was present. One thing 3′ 44″ never is is what it is often called: 3 minutes 44 seconds of silence. Because from a human perception, there is no such thing.

But our noisy world makes us all more and more desensitised to sound. The louder your usual background levels and the more of your time you spend deliberately wrapping yourself in a soundtrack, the less you notice of the sounds that exist outside of your sound-bubble. Never mind not hearing silence, the archetypal modern person doesn’t hear most of what happens twelve inches away. It seems to me I’d rather be distracted, hear things I didn’t actively choose to, and even get annoyed sometimes, than live inside that invisible isolation wall of loud.

Some of the people some of the time

Someone did an exercise with the latest generation of e-fit technology on what British people consider beautiful the other week. Basically, you have some (fairly impressive, these days) software that can manipulate realistic-looking (well, a bit better than contemporary computer games, anyway) face images in response to feedback. So normally you do this with witness memories of a criminal: keep adjusting jawline, hair colour and shape, skin tone, lip size, whatever you can think of, till it looks as much like what they can remember as possible. And you can do the good old optician ‘better with one? or with two? with? or without?’ routine while flipping one feature back and forth. In this instance, you go with what people say is attractive, use a much larger sample pool, and probably do a lot more trying of alternatives to gauge trends.

There were some interesting bits of slicing and dicing in the data, chiefly to do with gender – men thought an attractive man would be more ‘rugged’ than women did, with sharper jawlines and more liking for facial hair; women thought an attractive woman would have more traditionally exaggerated features than men did, pulling towards bigger eyes and fuller lips. But the most interesting bit to me was simply that the eventual two images produced looked fairly convincingly human, and certainly had no perceptible flaws as such, but were utterly unremarkable. I doubt anyone would give them a second look in the street; they seemed less epitomes of beauty than of blandness.

I think this is what happens when you average out too wide a spectrum of people’s tastes and preferences in any sense, medium, art form or sphere. Nothing is universally appealing, however much its proponents want to believe it is. One of Shakespeare’s contemporaries recorded that the only one of his plays that pleased everyone in its own time was Romeo and Juliet; I think anyone who has taught or can remember being taught the latter at GCSE or Key Stage 3 level will testify that it does not please everyone today!

This creates one of the major planks of my argument for calling what I do musically (maybe my poetry is different but that doesn’t have to pay any bills!) craft, not art. Artists create what they must and because, driven by some kind of categorical creative imperative and producing a distinctive and coherent style and body of work almost whether they wish to or not, and gain satisfaction in self-expression, originality or reflection of and comment upon the world (runs the post-Romantic myth of artistic creation still essentially current in the whole Western society). Craftspeople do what the client requests, as well as their technique and knowledge will enable them, and gain satisfaction from matching the requirements as thoroughly and fluently as possible, not from turning a brief into an opportunity to produce something of ‘their own’.

Sadly for my musical career and my financial security, I can’t be all things to all men. I’m not going to be a virtuoso soloist ever, never mind any time soon, and I wouldn’t say I’m cut out for glitzy amplified pop-classical groups playing over backing tracks with snazzy choreography either. But I can seek to match the context as far as possible, and not bother trying to break into contexts I won’t manage to fit; and that is a far more important skill at my ‘blue-collar’ jobbing musician level than developing a style or sound of my own, let alone a distinctive or original one. At least this way I please most of the people most of the time – which is enough to get paid more than pleasing a handful people all of the time and putting the rest off.

Variations on all themes

So yesterday saw me taking the long haul into Shepherd’s Bush by coach followed by most of the length of the Central line over to Loughton, which apparently is in Essex not greater London (just one of the many things the local contingent were a tad crotchetty about). The goal was a choral society concert, in which I was one of solo strings accompanying Dido and Aeneas together with continuo, there were a bunch of operatic choruses with or without solo singers in the second half, and the de facto string quartet (as that’s all it takes to cover Purcell’s parts barring continuo infilling) did a couple of light classical arrangements.

So far, so good, and it was a paid job and all that. And my enjoyment of it (bearing in mind 19th-century grand opera really, really, really isn’t my subgenre of choice) was considerably boosted by a vivacious young soprano giving about as much of the full-on acted treatment to the Carmen Habañera as was possible in a church and without scenery (chiefly by channeling Marilyn Monroe in a ballgown to killer effect).

It gave me one of the classic dilemmas of the freelance musician though. I accepted this job having been turned down for another one on the same night as the slot was already filled. Then got an email saying actually the dep for the first job had pulled out and could I do it? For more than twice the fee.

It’s not just elevated principle that made me stick with the existing commitment. Yes, higher-paid jobs are preferable (and there may come a point when I won’t go to the other side of London for forty quid, though at present I’d rather that than not work at all). But no one thinks much worse of you for being already busy – the fact that you look in demand might just about balance out the fear that you’re never available, and at least there’s not much lost by asking a player and getting a prompt reply saying they can’t do the gig. Whereas accepting something and then pulling out, particularly for a ‘better’ job rather than because of, say, getting flu or your work visa expiring, leaves a sour taste of unreliability in the mouth that tends against being asked again if there’s choice – and regrettably for the musician, there is always choice of players. It’s a hirer’s market from beginning to end.

The other memorable feature of this job was the continuo aspect of Dido. If you don’t know it, all of the recitative (dialogue, if you want to think of it like a musical) is accompanied only by the continuo, and there are substantial chunks of the arias / songs / choruses that are also that way. (Basso) continuo (sorry to those who are being taught to suck eggs) is essentially a kind of Baroque to early Classical rhythm section – there is a written out bass line, usually played by cello(s), sometimes bassoon and potentially doubled an octave below by double basses, depending on the size of your group, and then a set of symbols which work more or less like guitar chords – the way they work is different but the purpose is much the same. These are converted into accompaniment by harpsichord, organ, lute, guitar – whatever is available and suitable essentially.

Now we come to the interesting bit. While learning to read figured bass (the symbols used for continuo) is a common part of university music courses, few students seem to like it. Most piano / organ / things with keys players who stay in the classical sphere seem to prefer not to have to dabble in improvisation (or perhaps to be relegated to a purely accompanying role, when even most duo sonatas allow them approximate equality with the other instrument); and musicians interested in improvisation will generally stick to jazz, blues and rock rather than exploring the seventeenth and eighteenth centuries.

Partly because of this, and partly because for a century or so up until the early music movement of about 1960 on no ‘art’ musician really improvised, most printed editions of music of this period will provide ‘realisations’ – written out keyboard parts to save the bother of working from the figured bass yourself. And most musicians, even at a moderately high level, will use them.

The pianist at last night’s concert happened to also have been playing continuo (harpsichord) for Don Giovanni with me last month (only totally necessary for recitative there, though Mozart probably envisaged the player joining in with other stuff anyway to some extent). From both experiences, I’m aware she’s both an inventive and a keen continuo player in the full sense: in the rehearsal yesterday, discussing one section with a soprano soloist, she mentioned that the realisations in the copy she had first got had annoyed her – so she had got hold of an edition which just gave the figured bass so she could ‘do her own thing’!

So far, so good, and excellent to have (if perhaps disconcerting for the singers at odd moments). Also provides the unexpected feature, in a classical context, that once you’re improvising off (essentially) chords anyway, it’s straightforward (in classical music terms) to bridge a chunk of recit into the following duet (say) where it’s difficult to go on in strict time but a break in the music is undesirable, by putting in an extra bar and if necessary a modulation. Personally I would like to see more improvisation (a common enough art music capacity past Beethoven’s time, albeit often not in the same manner as the melodic variation over fixed harmony that has become normative from jazz) find its way back into classical performance, not least because everyone benefits from greater flexibility in performance, even if only because you have to be that bit more on your toes when something unexpected might legitimately be thrown in!

But yes, I did say pianist – having sensibly decided against using the full church organ (as so often, console positioned so that any kind of ensemble playing with anyone else is virtually precluded), that inevitably meant all accompaniment had to be on the upright piano. Not an instrument that existed in Purcell’s time, and the result was a curious sensation of the wrong tool being used very well – rather as if Julian Bream were to end up having to do a classical guitar recital on a Yamaha electric through a Marshall amp due to some last-minute hardware disaster.

My fellow instrumentalists were a mixed bunch, and the cellist (currently engaged in his second postgraduate performance degree) clearly saw this kind of job as a bill-payer with the sincere hope of eventually escaping into only doing full-blown professional concerts and recitals. For me with no higher ambitions than as a jobbing player, these oddities have to become part of the fun, the interest, the variety of the work – otherwise the nature of the exercise will become part of the problem rather than the solution, and I really can’t afford to have that happen with music as well.

Waiting for frustration

It feels like this is the story of my life at the moment.

There’s not much you actually do directly yourself in the 21st-century West. For one thing, the majority of actions still require others’ involvement. For another, most significant undertakings are done through the medium of a computer, an internet connection, an institution’s mainframe database, etc. etc. It fits very well with French indirect verbs as I remember them from school – ‘cook (something)’ is ‘faire cuire’ which would literally be ‘make cook’, or more clunkily but more clearly ’cause to cook’ – because you don’t personally boil the water, the gas hob does that, you just make the gas hob do it.

And so you wait ten minutes for a page to load because your internet connection’s thrown a wobbler. You wait four days for a Doodle to be filled in. You wait without knowing how long it’ll be for your registration as a music rights holder to be processed.

And then Doodle doesn’t save one person’s responses. Or you can’t log in to the website anyway. Or when you get an update on your sheet music order, it’s only to say five out of six items are still on order from the publishers, without giving an ETA. Or it turns out there’s only one weekend day between the start of April and the end of June that all of your quartet might be able to meet when you need (by your reckoning) at least three separate meetups to get off the ground.

And there’s nothing I can do about these things as such. Some of them I can’t impact at all but can hope will change – wait, refresh the page, maybe send a query to customer services, try again tomorrow. Some require trying to change the terms of the problem, since the situation won’t change and can’t be lived with indefinitely. They’re the really frustrating ones – where nothing will happen without my further input, but it seems like I’m being presented with a problem neither of my own making nor within my control (like the lack of overlap between other people’s diaries).

It’s at points like this that the reward of being a professional musician seems almost infinitely deferred, rather than, as is often imagined, almost completely immediate (well, you play don’t you? And isn’t that fantastic? … say the people who haven’t tried to not touch their bank account over a weekend in hopes that some pay will come through to save them going overdrawn or pulling even more out of their so-called savings).

And then you get offered a better-paid gig on a day you’re already committed to playing something, and want to just go back to bed and pull the covers over your face.

I’m still alive. I think.

Yes, it’s been a while. This (Wednesday morning) is the first time I’ve been able to really stop since Monday evening of last week. In that time I have:

played two gigs
worked six (short) days at my desk
shot a music video in its entiretyplayed four rehearsals

plus other email / work chasing / string quartet preparation / things that I can’t even remember.

Now I have to be back at my desk in under two hours and I’m still sitting in bed in my dressing gown faffing around writing blog posts and checking Facebook. Probably time to go … see you this evening when I may not have to be doing anything …